Most people who hear the term “couples therapy” want to run away. There’s stigma around therapy in general, but for couples therapy, many people assume it means something is seriously wrong. In reality, the best time to start is before the problems become real problems. Let’s elaborate on what it looks like.

What Really Is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is a safe space for you and your partner (or partners) to get honest with the professional guidance of a neutral third party. It is not about picking sides, finding out who’s “right”, or the space for “I’m perfect, fix my partner!” The goal is to learn how to understand the other person’s communication style, perspectives, and strengthen your ability to resolve conflicts as a team. It can serve as preventative care (goodbye relationship cavities!) or a midway tune-up (let’s get that oil change now to prevent future problems). 

Who Is It For?

Couples therapy can be for

• A brand new, shiny relationship trying to build a solid foundation
• Long-term partners struggling to adjust to life’s changes
• People who have argued about dishes
• Post-engagement conversations or pre-wedding stress
• Married couples wanting to refresh their relationship
• Partners who squirm when discussing tough topics like finances or sexual compatibility
• Roommates! Roommates can benefit from improved communication, too. 
• Couples who want to break up but want to do it intentionally (“conscious decoupling”)

Bottom line: if you have any established interpersonal relationship, you qualify. 

What Does It Look Like?

It depends on what you want to discuss! Couples therapy may involve check-ins about recent disagreements, exploring pivotal moments in the relationship, discussing communication styles, and learning tools for all members to feel more comfortable and heard. If you’ve been saying, “We keep having the same fight” or “I don’t feel connected to my partner anymore”, we’ll take the time to examine recurring patterns or underlying thoughts. We can help deepen emotional and physical intimacy, ensure you’re more aligned with expectations, and discuss ways to repair after conflict. This can translate to calmer discussions, feeling more understood, and less loneliness. 

Common Topics 

• Communication (“What to do when your partner doesn’t listen in an argument”)
• Conflict resolution (“Why do we keep having the same fight over and over?”)
• Improving trust (“We’re engaged, but I can’t stop worrying he’ll cheat on me.”)
• Intimacy (“How do we spice up our relationship?”)
• Household chore division (“Is it a red flag if my partner never helps around the house?”)
• Parenting (“What to do when we can’t agree on how to discipline our kids?”)
• Finances (“Wedding budget arguments are ruining our engagement. What should we do?”)

Myth-busting Time

Myth #1: Couples therapy is just for people on the verge of breaking up.

Truth: Couples therapy is a space to learn, explore, and improve your relationship. No crises necessary to qualify!

Myth #2: Therapists always take sides.

Truth: If that’s your experience, it may be time to find a new therapist. There will be times when a therapist may challenge your actions or beliefs in an effort to promote change and growth, but therapists are not keeping score. Both partners should have times when they feel challenged, heard, and understood.

Myth #3: If we can’t fix our relationship ourselves, it’s not worth it.

Truth: I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m certainly not able to do everything. I may be trained to help mediate a conversation or teach attachment theory, but I certainly could never perform open-heart surgery or fix a car engine. Asking for help does not mean you’re incapable, but rather that you want to learn to be more capable. Particularly in the case of couples issues, sometimes the same patterns have become so ingrained, the relationship will benefit tremendously from a neutral third party who is expertly trained to facilitate difficult conversations and interrupt negative cycles. 

Couples therapy is not just the emergency room for “fixing” broken relationships. Instead, we can strengthen a good relationship, heal a hurt one, minimize obstacles ahead, or even safely navigate the end of a relationship. It’s the place for humans who come from different backgrounds and experiences (and who are just trying to do their best to love and be loved) to learn to do “together” better. It will be vulnerable. You’ll have to be brave. But it’s also real, healing, and for many, a huge relief. 

Want to give it a try? Reach out to us for a complimentary consultation. The AisleTalk team is always ready to create a safe space for you to get vulnerable and level up your relationship.