Inside Out 2: Lovingly Managing All Emotions

1, 2, 3: Read on for one therapist-in-training’s take on Inside Out 2, featuring three tools to tackle our wonderful, although occasionally difficult, emotions for wedding planning stress and every other kind, too. 

*Spoiler alert!

If you’ve seen the original Inside Out movie, then you should be well-acquainted with Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear, the primary emotions living inside our little protagonist, Riley. In this sequel, we meet Riley as puberty literally takes a wrecking ball to her emotion control center and the Headquarter crew is joined by four new emotions: Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui (with some short appearances from Nostalgia). Through all the funny moments and fantastic side characters (shoutout to Pouchy and Lance Slashblade), the movie portrays these emotions in a compelling way and depicts four key takeaways.

The right people will love us for us

We all seek validation. Whether it’s from the cool kid at school, our boss, our parents, or our partner, humans need to feel loved and valued. But, as Riley learns, the right people will love you for who you are, no matter what music you like or what trends you follow (or don’t follow). We’re all unique individuals with unique Headquarters but with people who truly care about you, there should be no need to pretend, lie, or make up stories. We see this in wedding planning all the time. If you or your partner are struggling to try and meet other people’s expectations, take this time to check-in with yourself and ask if you’re seeking validation from people who know and love you. 

You are worthy of love. You deserve to be surrounded by people who truly care about you.

Everyone’s sense of self is made up of good and bad

Our sense of self is not all good or all bad. The OG emotions tried to curate Riley’s “Sense of Self,” informed by key memories, feelings, and beliefs, to only reflect positive experiences. Though well intentioned, when Anxiety wanted Riley to fit in with the popular crowd, this new anxiety-driven Sense of Self was built on self-doubt, which left her nervous and making decisions out of insecurity. Later, Riley’s more evolved third Sense of Self was formed from both positive and negative memories. This allowed  “I’m not good enough” to coexist with “I’m kind” and “I make mistakes” and “I want to fit in” and “I want to be myself.” 

While your instinct might be to only acknowledge the “good” parts of yourself and hide the “bad” parts, having both sides is what makes us human. As we all grow, change, and learn, this sense of self will continue to develop accordingly. We will all experience good moments and bad moments and it is important to give ourselves grace. Maybe you’re in the thick of wedding planning and your mother-in-law is getting on your nerves. You can be a kind person while still feeling frustration and a desire to stand up for your own needs. You can be strong and still need help sometimes.

This is also a reminder to give others grace. Whether this brings up thoughts of your partner, a parent, a friend, or even a colleague, remember that they are also a whole person with strengths and flaws. We are a product of all of our past memories and a healthy sense of self acknowledges this. 

We’re also a product of the way we speak to ourselves. What voice do you hear in your head? 

Anxiety, capital A

The star of the show in this sequel. An iconic visual depiction of an oh-so-common feeling. Anxiety is one of the most talked about elements of this movie and, luckily, a more and more commonly talked about emotion in daily life. When anxiety is introducing herself she states, “My job is to protect [Riley] from the scary stuff she can’t see. I plan for the future.” 

Anxiety is a normal human emotion and can be helpful in ensuring you plan for potential challenges. For example, anxiety about meeting deadlines kept me on track when writing this blog post (thanks, Anxiety!). Anxiety can also aid in ensuring you pick a date for the wedding or decide on a guest list.

But, anxiety can become problematic when it gets out of control. In the movie, Riley finds herself in a panic attack as Anxiety loses control and apologizes, “I’m sorry, I was just trying to protect her.” As long as it is managed, anxiety serves a protective function to ensure you are aware of potential consequences. But when anxiety takes the reins completely, it can force other emotions out. In the movie, the other emotions are literally stuck in a jar. Suppressing emotions or banishing them to the back of the mind is not beneficial and only leads to a buildup or unexpected explosion (ex. Riley’s panic attack).

Feel what you feel! You may be grieving that your father won’t be able to walk you down the aisle. Although you may want to shy away from the pain, feeling your sad feelings, first, is a necessary step to find your joy. As Joy says to Sadness, “Where you go, I go.” Feeling our emotions allows us to process them and then let go. 

Accept all phases of life

As one of our recent newsletters discussed (sign up if you haven’t already!), there are Reasons and Seasons throughout our lives. In one emotional moment, Joy confesses, “I don’t know how to stop anxiety. Maybe we can’t. Maybe this is what happens when you grow up. You feel less joy.” While this speaks to the various seasons in our lives and the fluctuating intensity of our emotions, I also believe it represents our tendency to allow anxiety to take over, leaving joy in the dust. With more responsibilities, it can be harder to feel or focus on joy. Joy can be hidden by the complex emotions we grow more accustomed to and we can spend more time focusing on things that may go wrong, than the things that can go right… or are already going right! This is your reminder to find your joy. In spite of all the things we think we “have” to do or we “should” do, it is important to listen to our inner child and find things that bring us joy. 

So, how do we manage our anxiety?

1. Acceptance for all parts of yourself

   1. Step 1 is always acceptance. As we’ve discussed, that means accepting all the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s not easy and it takes time, but acknowledging and accepting the full range of experiences, emotions, and personality traits that we, as humans, are capable of serves a purpose. While we may want to push aside the negative, it is all part of us; accepting the good with the bad will help us heal, grow and ultimately, build our sense of self. A simple step toward acceptance is to acknowledge the feelings when they come–the good and the bad–and accept their presence. 

      
      

2. Awareness of emotions

   1. To better manage emotions, we need to be able to name them. One great tool that we use with many of our clients is the Feelings Wheel. As a feeling arises, take a second to process what it feels like. How does it sit in your body? What facial expressions are you making? The surface level may feel like anger, but is it actually a feeling of being violated or betrayed? Identifying the specific emotion allows us to thoroughly acknowledge how we’re feeling and aids in accurately conveying it to others. 

      
      

3. Grounding and deep breathing

   1. Sometimes just knowing what emotion we’re feeling is not enough to control it. Enter, emotion regulation skills. In the movie, during a panic attack, Riley touched her hockey stick. Feeling the familiar texture or utilizing the coldness of the stick helps bring Riley’s attention back to the physical world around her rather than getting overwhelmed by the emotional experience in her head. When emotions get out of control and take over, grounding skills can help draw attention away from intense thoughts, memories, or worries, towards focusing on the present moment. While the feeling of anxiety takes over, Riley can use her hockey stick to slow down and think about simple sensory input: “This stick is cold.” “This stick is smooth.” “This stick is solid.” 

   2. Another example of a grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique that calls for you to identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Similar to Riley’s hockey stick, drawing your attention to something tangible and noticeable through your senses can distract from feeling overwhelmed.

   3. Alternatively, deep breathing exercises can help you recenter yourself. Box breathing, or square breathing, calls for you to breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, let it out for four seconds, pause for four seconds, and repeat. By focusing on a steady, repetitive count of breaths you can send a signal to your brain and nervous system that you're safe and have no need for fight, flight, or freeze mode. As you let your prefrontal cortex take over, the automatic stress responses can relax and, like Riley, you may notice your body begin to relax and your mind clear up. 

@laurenurie.therapy

While Riley may not be ready for marriage yet, similar emotions live in all of us. We all deserve to feel comfortable with the choices we make because they are what we want for ourselves, not to fit in or look Instagram-presentable. Although Riley’s anxiety may be for a different reason than yours, it is a universal, and very normal emotion, as long as you can take note of it but not let it overwhelm you when preparing to head down the aisle. Remember to be kind to yourself and embrace the rollercoaster of emotions that are bound to arise in both planning and celebrating on your special day! 

Struggling with how to manage your anxiety? Reach out to the AisleTalk team today to book an intro call.