You’ve merged Spotify playlists, figured out whose Netflix profile to keep, and perfected your Saturday morning coffee routine. Life is good! But here’s the thing: marriage isn’t just a romance and playing house–it’s also a long-term partnership. And partnerships thrive when both people invest in learning how to grow together; that’s where couples therapy comes in. 

We’re just starting out, but we want to start couples therapy… are we okay?

Great question! Yes, you’re okay. With the excitement, planning, and often endless decision-making leading up to your “big day,” your wedding may feel like the finish line when it’s really the start of your journey together. After navigating everything from tuxedos to cake toppers, couples often find themselves in uncharted waters once the honeymoon is over. It’s normal for things to feel different as you settle into new routines but when your “different” starts to feel difficult, couples therapy can help.

Five Ways Couples Therapy Early in Your Marriage Sets You Up for Happily Ever After

• Strengthen communication skills
• Explore attachment styles
• Argue productively
• Navigate financial expectations
• Set boundaries with in-laws and others

Why should you consider couples therapy before there’s trouble in paradise? 

1. Strengthen Communication Skills

You may have heard of the 4 C’s of diamonds when shopping for wedding rings, but we propose that communication is the fifth C to consider and is even more valuable than that sparkler on your finger.

Specifically, communication that is calm, clear, and constructive. 

When you and your partner communicate, is it calm, clear, and constructive?

• Calm communication alludes to our emotion regulation skills. This doesn’t mean not feeling emotions,  rather how we are able to manage those emotions in different situations. These skills are what allow us to have a productive conversation and not say and do things we may later come to regret.  
• Clear describes our actual speech. Are you being direct, concise, and kind? Ask yourself if what you’re saying is deliberate and likely to de-escalate tension or more likely to create confusion. 
• Constructive communication means we’ve asked ourselves, “What’s the point of the communication? Do I have a goal and does it preserve our relationship? Does what I’m saying need to be said?” If you criticize, belittle, have to have the last word, or need to “win” an argument, this is a communication area to improve.

Couples therapy helps you to learn how to clearly express yourselves and listen actively so each of you feels heard and misinterpretations are resolved before they snowball into bigger issues. 

TL;DR: Strong communication that is calm, clear, and constructive provides a framework for healthy conversations. It is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, allowing partners to better express needs and avoid misunderstandings. 

2. Explore Attachment Styles

Do you know what an attachment style is and what yours might be? Is it secure? Anxious? Avoidant? What about your partner’s style? 

We all have attachment patterns from our earliest relationships and from multiple factors related to our upbringing. These styles affect how we communicate in our romantic relationships, our friendships as adults, and our interactions at work. While there is no “right” or “wrong” style – and these styles can change over time – securely attached people tend to have more mutual respect, trust, and honesty in their relationships. Knowing your own and your partner’s styles can explain a lot about your relationship challenges and illuminate a path forward. 

Let’s take a single event, like a job loss, and how partners with differing attachment styles might experience it. 

If your style is avoidant and you just learned you were laid off, you may be compelled to figure out your next steps on your own and not be able to stand the thought of your partner pitying you. However, if your partner’s style is anxious, they may not understand why you’re not sharing more with them and feel shut out, prompting them to try to get closer to you. 

The avoidant partner then feels pressured and retreats further; the anxious partner’s fears prompt behaviors to connect and force a reaction. The cycle keeps repeating and the conflict escalates. You can imagine the pain of this couples’ attachment cycle only exacerbating all the stress of the job loss. 

There is a better way: knowledge is power – and peace – and counseling can show you how to turn avoidant and anxious styles into a secure attachment. Insight to attachment styles leads the way to healthier communication, promotes fewer interpersonal struggles, and results in higher relationship satisfaction. 

TL;DR: Understanding how your attachment style affects how you relate to others, helps to increase self-awareness, identify relationship challenges, and strengthen interpersonal connections.  

3. Argue Productively

Spoiler alert: every couple argues. It’s normal. Arguing in and of itself isn’t bad. What’s important is how you approach each other and repair during and after an argument.

Your awareness and management of your own conflict style is a skill we often work on in couples therapy. Your “conflict style” is a representation of the way you typically interact with another person when there is strife or disagreement. Components like levels of assertiveness, awareness of boundaries, and listening skills make up conflict style. Building clarity around this can drive the direction of an argument significantly and make the difference between a disagreement that ends with increased understanding and connection, or sleeping on the couch.

For instance, some people are natural problem-solvers who want to tackle things head-on. Others need time to process and think through an emotional encounter before they can engage effectively. Without having this knowledge about one another, one partner may feel they’re being unfairly harassed while the other feels completely ignored. 

Recognizing triggers – things like behaviors, events, or comments – that cause intense emotional reactions, will promote better communication, empathy, and understanding. On the surface, triggers can seem like irrational responses, withdrawal, or mood swings. If we look deeper, we discover triggers are rooted in past and/or traumatic experiences. What we may see as an overreaction in our partner may be a reflection of fear surrounding perceived abandonment, loss of control, or betrayal. Building this awareness strengthens relationships by revealing the root cause of conflict and enabling couples to move away from blame and toward mutual understanding. 

In therapy, couples can learn to recognize their own conflict style and practice empathy for their partner’s approach. Together, you create strategies to resolve disagreements or prevent them altogether. Better conflict resolution means less emotional drama and more energy for the good stuff in life. 

TL;DR: Understanding conflict styles and triggers builds stronger relationships through awareness, honest communication, and real conflict resolution. 

4. Navigate Financial Expectations

Money talks… but sometimes it whispers, pesters, yells, or leaves you unread. Finances are one of the top stressors in marriage because each partner brings different beliefs, experiences, and values regarding money. 

Couples therapy helps you: 

• Unpack financial expectations (splitting bills, saving, spending)
• Discuss long-term lifestyle goals like buying a house, travel, or retirement
• Prevent money from becoming a hidden source of tension
• Share productive and proactive financial conversations 

When you’re on the same financial page, money becomes a tool for building dreams, not fueling fights. Money represents security, independence, and lifestyle choices. When couples hesitate to talk openly about finances, misunderstanding and resentment build faster than a double-digit interest rate. 

Have you and your partner discussed finances? Are you sure you’re speaking the same language when it comes to money, earnings, and managing your finances? Any relationship will face undue stress when financial disagreements arise. Setting expectations, budgets, and goals will help alleviate unnecessary stress.

Couples therapy provides a safe, stigma-free space to explore underlying money mindsets, spending behaviors, and trust between partners. Financial discussions take on a shared relational challenge instead of a blame game pointing to control, shame, or failure. In therapy, couples can learn how to approach these conversations regularly and productively, reducing stigma and yielding personal and financial harmony. . 

TL;DR: Aligned financial expectations and productive, routine conversations prevent conflict, build teamwork, encourage transparency, and set you on a course for success. 

5. Set Boundaries with In-Laws and Others

It’s unlikely this is news to you if you’ve just planned a wedding, but when two people marry, they don’t just join their lives – they connect their families, too. If you’re recently engaged or married, you may be facing milestones for the first time as a couple, trying to decide whose family will take precedence for the next big holiday or what family visits and vacations might look like. Without clear boundaries, outside pressures can inch their way into the relationship. 

Setting boundaries shouldn’t feel like building walls; in fact, when healthy boundaries are established, you’ll feel freedom – not fear, dread, and loathing. Be mindful of your new dynamic, embracing what’s novel about your relationship, while still respecting what each other needs both individually and within your larger family dynamic.

Couples need space to evaluate decisions as a unit without interference. Clear expectations regarding visits, advice, and family involvement in the couple’s life can minimize misunderstandings. When a couple can confidently stand united on boundaries and expectations, they show their families (and one another) that their marriage is their primary relationship. 

Whether it’s a response to early challenges or a proactive investment in your relationship, couples therapy can be valuable for newlyweds and not-so-newlyweds alike. Consider it the gift you forgot to put on your registry! 

TL;DR: Setting boundaries is a gift, not a punishment, to reduce conflict, protect your relationship as a couple, prevent divided loyalty, and strengthen your partnership.

On our wedding day, we all want our true love to last forever. But, lasting marriages aren’t guaranteed just because you booked a band and florist on the perfect summer day. Marriages that last are created by people who invest in their partnership and grow together, in good times and in bad. Sure, it’s not always easy, but your marriage is well worth the effort. With premarital counseling and couples therapy services, the AisleTalk team is here to help you see your past, present, and future with clarity. Reach out to us for a complimentary consultation to get the conversation started!