Autumn’s Lesson: The Art of Letting Go

Change is difficult. Even when positive, change can bring a mix of excitement and anxiety. Sometimes the unknown nature of the outcome of change is scary. While we may hope for positive change, the fear of change for the worse can be paralyzing.

While there’s a bittersweet feeling at the end of summer and the loss of green leaves, there’s also beauty in the transformation.

In nature, change is a constant, a law of life. Those of us on the East Coast are privy to a key reminder each fall when tree leaves transform in a burst of color. As the weather cools down, many trees stop producing chlorophyll, the substance that gives leaves their green color. The natural color of these leaves is “revealed” to be the yellow, orange, and red colors often associated with autumn. While there’s a bittersweet feeling at the end of summer and the loss of green leaves, there’s also beauty in the transformation. Like trees shedding leaves to prepare for a new season, we too must acknowledge and accept this change, so we can let go of certain parts of our lives to make space for what is coming next. In this article, we will explore the nature of change, the power of letting go, and steps to begin the process of letting go. 

Why is letting go so difficult?

Change naturally causes anxiety. 

Even in exciting moments, it is normal to experience anxiety about change. For example, a wedding can be a joyous occasion to celebrate the starting of a new chapter, but it may also represent letting go of the previous one. Maybe it feels like the end of childhood and your family of origin being the priority. Maybe independence as you knew it is ending. Or maybe you have to move geographic locations or homes. Despite how happy you may be to be marrying your partner, the wedding can be a signal of priorities shifting and an important chapter of your life coming to an end. 

Similarly, other life transitions can bring up fears and struggles. Starting a new relationship or ending one can be daunting in their own ways and it’s important to remember that when we care about something or someone, we become attached. It’s only normal to be nervous about letting things go. These examples of ambiguous grief, or grieving something as you once knew it, bring up real and valid emotions just as grief around death can taint happy days. For example, it may be difficult to let go of living close to your parents as your new home with your husband-to-be is in another state. While it is important to let go of resistance to change, there is also a time and a place to first accept and embrace feeling the way you feel. 

The Sunk Cost Fallacy

Have you ever been afraid to let go of a relationship because of the time you already spent trying to make it work? Or maybe you’ve been afraid to throw out a belonging because it was expensive, even if it is only taking up space and emotional capacity? You may be engaging in a fundamental economics theory known as the sunk cost fallacy. 

This fallacy is the inclination for humans to follow through with something after heavy investment (in the form of effort, time, or money), even if giving up is the better decision. If you’ve already spent a lot of time planning a traditional Catholic wedding based on the request of your mother and mother-in-law, it may be overwhelming to consider the idea of scrapping it and starting over even though you and your fiancé are feeling frustrated that it doesn’t reflect your values or relationship. You may continue to try and make small changes to the plan to make it closer, but by the end, you end up with a wedding that feels like it’s for someone else. 

Alternatively, maybe you've consistently struggled to get in touch with the wedding planner you hired and it feels like she doesn’t care about your wedding. You've tried talking to her, but she will only communicate via email and her responses are sporadic. While you did consider finding someone else, you stick it out because you've already paid the deposit to the original one. Unfortunately, now as you get closer to the wedding, you feel even more out of control and your anxiety is peaking. Recognizing the sunk cost fallacy early can free you from the fear of losing past investments giving you the space to prioritize decisions that truly align with your values and bring you peace, and potentially make the right changes for you while there is still plenty of time to implement them.

Even in exciting moments, it is normal to experience anxiety about change.

Power of pivoting 

While it is uncomfortable and often heartbreaking to pivot in life, it is important to be honest with yourself. Are you continuing with something because you truly want it? Or are you too afraid to adjust because of the time and investment you already gave? If it is not something you truly care about, it may be time to accept change and may deviate from the original plan. It is okay to no longer want things you originally wanted. It’s okay if the career you wanted is no longer a passion of yours. It’s okay to change your mind, to change course, and to let go.

Sounds like a lot of work… Why bother? 

Letting go can decrease stress. Trying to cling on to the past can cause stress. 

Imagine you’re sitting on a canoe in the river, clinging to a branch trying not to move. This takes a lot of energy and your muscles will get exhausted, cramp, and ache. You may get blisters on your hands from trying to hold on. Unfortunately, not everything is in our control, and the branch may snap even if we don’t want it to. Instead, take a breath. Accept that it’s time to move on and move forward, and ready ourselves for things out of our control. Let’s let go of the branch and focus on redirecting our oars to ride out the current, sitting back to enjoy the changing scenery, rather than resisting it.

It’s okay to change your mind, to change course, and to let go.

Ready to start letting go? Here’s how:

Step 1. Acknowledge and accept emotions and the situation. 

Be honest with yourself about the good and the bad—fear and hope. Be honest with yourself about why holding on is no longer serving you and how change may lead to better outcomes. But also take the time to honor what you’re leaving behind and thank it for the role it played in your life. 

Step 2. Have self-compassion for the process of letting go taking time. 

Letting go doesn't mean we no longer care, but rather that we are finding acceptance that there are things out of our control or that circumstances have changed. But this process of acceptance will take time, and it’s important to approach this process with a gentle understanding. Reminder: speak to yourself the way you would speak to your friends or family. 

Step 3. Focus on the present and seek support

When something’s difficult, take things one day at a time. Engage in self-care practices to remind yourself that you are loved, you will be okay, and you can do hard things. Do some mindful breathing or physical movement to expel anxiety and negative energy. Start a gratitude journal to shift your focus on progress and the enjoyable moments of each day. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask for help from loved ones or professionals.

By embracing change with mindful acceptance and acknowledgement of arising feelings, we can open ourselves to new possibilities and navigate life’s transitions with less resistance and more resilience. 

Just as in nature, change is a constant in our lives, bringing both joy and loss. Like trees shedding their leaves, we too must release parts of our past to make way for what is ahead. While it can feel bittersweet—letting go of familiar comforts, facing the unknown, or the grief of starting over—change is what allows us to grow and evolve. No season can last forever, and even after hard winters, there will be spring. By embracing change with mindful acceptance and acknowledgement of arising feelings, we can open ourselves to new possibilities and navigate life’s transitions with less resistance and more resilience. 

Having trouble implementing the steps to let things go on your own? Reach out to the AisleTalk team today to book an intro call and see if therapy can help.